Yearly Archives: 2012

So here we are, close to closing out another year. As I look back at 2012, I smile at life. My big accomplishment was finishing my first novel. I still get excited thinking about how it felt that day in May. Along with my first novel, I’ve started a second novel, done a few blogs…not as many as I’d like but a few that meant something deep inside me. I’ve published another poem, and though it’s nothing big…it’s nice to see it in print.

After Dan’s daughter and her little one moved into their new place, Dan and I were able to settled into our existing house…just the two of us…that’s part of a song, right? Of course, that meant new furniture and my second biggest passion (writing being my first, just incase you wondered…lol)… decorating. It is nice to have a husband that enjoys being part of the process and sharing ideas. We are still newlyweds so it’s been great watching our styles blend into what we feel is a comfortable home and welcomes visitors.

This year Dan and I will fly to Washington and spend Christmas with my side of the family. Plans are made and ideas shared on game night, dinners, outings, parties and more. Honestly…I don’t think I could be any happier. It will be a wonderful time and I can’t wait, a time of sharing and caring topped with hugs, kisses and lots of laughter.

All these ideas, passions, commitments and plans are wonderful but without family and friends they mean nothing. It’s important to remember who is in our hearts as we feel their love and respond with love for them.

However, there is something more stirring in my heart. I can’t help but think about the people of all ages, especially the children that are not showered in love, protection, or warmth. There are those that have financial issues, bleak job prospects, health issue or loneliness for a spouse or loved one as they face these holidays without them. Looking around I see people with so little of the comforts of life…no special plans for the holidays, no gifts or special dinners.

Then there are the ones that are faced with past mistakes of drug abuse, alcoholism or maybe even criminal records that changed their future. They have to fight every moment to stay straight, fight the good fight and mend broken relationships as they build new ones going forward but still their past comes back to haunt them. There is no sense in wondering why they made those choices…maybe genetic pattern, maybe a traumatic experience in their childhood or maybe the lack of opportunities they were given growing up. Choices in life can shape us as well as tear us apart. I am ashamed to say I’ve not always been kind with my thoughts or understanding regarding their situation and at times have carried suspicion toward them. Fortunately, each of us have the opportunity to make changes in ourselves that can maybe make a little difference in how we look at others. A little more compassion and a little less criticism is the recipe for a bigger blessing in life. So instead of judging others, I’ll say an extra prayer for them to find strength and courage to face each day, along with peace and joy in whatever they have. For the rest of this month, and hopefully each day going forward, I will spend some quiet moments reflecting on what is really important. I am grateful for my life and I don’t take it for granted, but I am no different from anyone else and can easily get caught up in the material aspects of life. As for the holidays, I love the decorations and holiday music, always keeping in mind the true meaning of Christmas as I treasure every moment…but I want to remember to reflect each day in realizing it doesn’t take a big house or fancy car to make you who you are…it’s what is in your heart.

Merry Christmas to all of you and a Happy New Year…I hope 2013 is filled with promise of brighter days to come.

“They are killing 50,000 babies a day”….those were the words of a very sweet lady I met this past week. She was talking about abortion. It was part of the political campaign used to sway voters to a different outcome during this past Presidential vote. This blog is not about the need to overturn Roe vs. Wade or about right or wrong when it comes to abortion at all or whether I believe in abortion or not…it’s to give a different view and maybe shed light on other points regarding this issue.

I don’t know statistically how correct those figures are but let’s go ahead and use them for the sake of argument. So here we go – if they are “killing” 50,000 babies a day then maybe they are “saving” 50,000 babies a day from suffering Shaking Baby Syndrome by the hands of a parent who can’t handle the screaming at night, or from abuse…mentally, physically or sexually by the “oh so loving” parent…or from going hungry because the parent hasn’t the money for even a box of cereal while the beer in the refrigerator or the casino down the street hold the parent captive. Or saving them from being supported by the state on our already strained welfare system, allowing mom to stay home and watch Jerry Springer and ignore the child to the point of neglect – and just a reminder, our welfare system is supported by you and your taxes that are continually getting raised and would be better served in our public schools, an entirely different and also fueled (by my thoughts) blog. Then there are the babies born to a crack addict mom who will give her baby up, or have it taken away by the state…only to go out and get pregnant again. Who is responsible for taking care of those babies as they suffer the physical and mental consequences of a mom who struggles to get clean, and if she does, her genetic pattern may be altered or destroyed from her abuse, so now she gives birth to a child with special needs…will she keep it or give it up to the state to care for over the next 80 years (your taxes again), while she goes off on her merry way, only to use the loss of her child as an excuse to get high. Then again, what if the child isn’t special needs, what are the chances of that child not becoming an addict themselves, stealing from others to support their habit and becoming a drain on those who do love them and society as a whole by having more unwanted babies. Thank God for Planned Parenthood…think about how many more unwanted babies there would be.

And how about if all couples who want so much to have a child were required to adopt from this country before going outside the country to bring other children in…(sorry to say I have thoughts on this issue as well, but will refrain at this time), maybe they should adopt the unwanted baby that escaped the abortion…would that help? We could always force the lady that was raped and impregnated to have the child…knowing full well the child could have the same bad gene that drove his or her father to do such an unthinkable act…only to become a child molester or serial killer themselves…would that be better? My point is there are so many situations that come into play, so many variations, there is no quick answer for all solutions surrounding this issue. Practicing the “no sex” before marriage is a great answer…but people are people and sex…yes, clear and simple sex is a drive we are born with…a design by God to continue life whether you are a buck deer in the rut or a young couple with a passion to explore.

Yes…all these points are an exaggeration and I’m sure there is an argument for every point I’ve tried to make but I’m just trying to show there is always more to the story then we can see. One of our Commandments says “Thou Shall Not Kill”…yes, I get it, and being a Christian living by the Word is important to me but I’m far from perfect and though I have been blessed in never having to make the decision of whether or not to have an abortion…I don’t judge others because I have not walked in their shoes.

In my family that has an extended meaning…we were two families blended as one. As children we found ways to annoy each other to no end. And of course, our children did much of the same annoying things as we did to each other. An example would be the “stop coping me” saga. One of us would copy everything the other said, and they would scream for us to stop…only to have each word, expression and gesture continue to be copied until the hair pulling began. I’ve even had my grandchildren do it to me…I’ve laughed my head off trying to get them to stop until I thought I would pull my hair out and then kiss them endlessly. But as a child battling this game…kissing my annoying sibling wasn’t exactly what I had in mind (insert a vision of your own choosing here).

We were raised the word “step-family” was not allowed in our vocabulary…we were a family and the blending of our lives was to be strong. We started as twelve (my mom, my new dad, one boy and nine girls) pushing and shoving to find our place in this new life. Then our youngest brother was added to the family. We had no choice but to learn about each other because we lived in a three bedroom/one bath house. Finally my oldest brother was given a make shift bedroom in the basement…freeing up the couch. I laugh now as I think back to us packed like sardines in our house, but the day our little brother Billy was born, some of us were running up and down the street screaming in excitement of having another baby in our lives. How did we do it? Sometimes I wonder. If you saw us around the dinner table, you would think we were trying to create a new Last Supper. Packing all of us in our car on Sunday for the long drive to south Seattle to attend church was a challenge of its own. You guessed it…no seat belts. But with that many kids to play with, help out or clean up after, you were never bored. We were not a Leave It To Beaver type of family, but we made the best of what we had…l’ll just leave it at that.

As life went on, we went our separate ways. Some stayed in the city, others to the open ranges outside the city life, and yet another to a different country (though Canada isn’t that different). We stay in touch as much as our crazy busy lives allow. With our grandparents gone, and no parents to give us that “I’m still young enough” feeling…our generation became the “older generation”. Thank God for Facebook, email and the occasional phone call, we’ve managed to share pictures and stories as our families grew. Even if I have just spoken to one of my siblings, I still wait in anticipation for their Christmas card to arrive…sealed with love. Having a large family had many blessings. It meant HUGE family reunions, lots of laughter…of course you can’t have that many siblings without breaking up a few fights…daily. With the holiday gatherings that are a story of their own…everyone had a friend or two that would soon become a fixture in our home…there always seemed to be room for one more. I’d like to say it was all fun and games, but unfortunately we have shared many tears as well. We have lost three sisters, Cathy, Patty and Peggy and now recently we lost our oldest brother, Steve.

As a Christian, there is no doubt in my mind Steve was greeted by his sisters, parents, grandparents and welcomed by God into his Kingdom. The reunion they are sharing now is surely filled with love and laughter as they all keep an eye on those of us still here on earth. As my heart aches for loss, my heart also swells as memories flood my mind. As a youngster, Steve would convince me if I pushed his car (so it would start), he would give me a ride to school…yes, I stood in horror as he would drive off without me. You don’t want to know how many times I fell for that one….I can only shake my head at myself and how naive I am….I mean was….lol.

I can’t speak for how each sibling felt about the other, but I can say every person in my family taught me something and my love is deep for each and everyone of them. It may have been something as simple as how a car operates, how to iron my blouse just so, how to ride a bus downtown or how to get over making scallop potatoes from scratch and start using the box mix. Trust me when I say each memory holds a special meaning and always will…because you see, it isn’t how often you talk, share pictures, play table games or share a meal…it’s about the memories we build together, about what is in our hearts…it’s about family…it’s about love.

Have I said this before…life is like a ball of yarn? Maybe not, but it is to a point. We, as people, are wound up…intertwined with each day in a ball with each other. We eat, work, talk, plan and negotiate with one another. Passing cars on the highway – do we know who the passengers are? Maybe they too just stopped to pick up dinner at the local deli, heading home from a long days work. Could it be a young man or woman filled with despair as the news came out today that cutbacks are on the table and their name may be on that list? Or did they just get the news they are expecting twins.

Politicians that run this country…do they have a clue that because of the state of economy we are in, that health insurance is unattainable for many, homes are now a privilege to own, that food is scarce and tears are many? Do they really feel our pain or are they just interested in our vote these days. Many of us pray harder each day in an attempt to be heard…as futile as it may seem sometimes…we still pray.

How do we know the man, or woman, down the block isn’t planning to bomb the building that stands the tallest in a big city of any name. Does that future bomber think about the mothers working there…the children innocently playing in the daycare down the street? Does he care a young woman is showing her new engagement ring to the swarms of co-worker surrounding her with chatter of the future. No, I don’t think our bomber cares.

Then there is the coffee shop at the corner that holds the connoisseur of strong beans and conversation. Some man in the corner reading the paper gets a call from his wife saying it’s time – “time” he repeats as a smile crosses his face knowing he’s about to meet his son.

As the day unfolds the ball of yarn it encompassed, it begins to unravel – little by little. There are knots of sadness, twists of pain, kinks of anger, strains of fear, wrinkles of happiness, threads of joy and colors of laughter – but when it’s at the end, when the last of the roll is exposed, I hope it carries what I believe is deep inside us all – hope and love for tomorrow.

It’s different here, not quite the same…the sights, the sounds and surely the names. I travel to hear the differences as I trade the soothing sounds of my crickets at night to the laughter and chatter of family. In the morning there are a few birds but stronger still are the sounds of the city with a sprinkle of a quiet robin song thrown in the air by the passing wind.

At home I wake to the sweet mix of many birds in my backyard singing to wake me from my dreams as their day begins. Is it possible to have two homes? To love them both but feel the pangs of desire for the other when the distance is clear. I am in that truth today while I sit waiting for the family to wake from their sleep and join me for coffee. Is it just human nature to want what we can not have? We buy a car or curtains for the house, or maybe a chocolate ice cream cone but wonder if we should have picked another…could there be a better one around the corner?

When I am home in Washington, I am home. Familiar sounds that start the day. There is peace in the laughter of those close to my heart…the hugs are different here, sweeter, more enduring in a way.

When I am home in Colorado, it’s the life I love a different way…it’s not the same but carries sweetness just the same. Washington is my heart of homes and carries a tune in my soul like no other. But unless my husband is with me as I travel here, it’s not the same. It lacks the completeness I want, or should I say I need in my soul…he is my breath and warmth.

Colorado holds my life and constant presence these days but it’s different here…it’s not the same.